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Must be 18 years

and older to call.

Nyx: Dad are you 18?
Preston: No.
Nyx: How old are you?
Preston: 24.
Nyx: Is mom 18?
Preston: No. She’s the same age as me.
Nyx: *sigh* I can’t wait till I’m 18 so I can buy stuff on tv. I want the bendy things.

I swear Nyx has been on school break far too long. Damn smart kid.

To my kiddo on his 5th birthday:

It never gets old, but it really is amazing how fast time has flown with every year. How every year you never cease to amaze me. How every year you teach me hundreds of new things. How every year you show me something new about myself. How every year you’ve made me a better person, a better mother. How every year my heart grows exponentially for you.

As I look back on the past 12 months, you and I have overcome some amazing feats. Our biggest milestone together was starting kindergarten. It was scary at the beginning for the both of us. You being surrounded by hundreds of new kids and with me being so much farther away from you. I truly had to let go, I had to have faith in you. Sure my heart stopped for a good couple hours when I thought you got on the wrong school bus the first day. I felt queasy when I had to stop eating breakfast with you at school. How I had to hold back my tears when I hug and kiss you goodbye dropping you off in the morning.

No matter what, you always tried your best. You were being a “big boy.” Best of all you said, “I am being a brave boy for you mom.”

Those words would always put my mind and heart at ease. I knew I was doing something right because you took on the world with everything you had. I have to be brave for you too hun.

As we are celebrating your 5th birthday you are already looking forward to turning 6 and being a 1st grader. I’m just hoping that time slows down just a little more. Don’t grow up too fast you’ll give me a heart attack.

I always wonder if it’s I that am raising you or you that is raising me. Everyday is a new challenge, a new lesson, for me with you as my teacher. I’ve learned patience beyond my wildest imagination. I’ve learned that I had the worst trucker mouth and how to control it. I learned to expand my imagination even more because building a simple house out of Legos just isn’t going to cut it for you. You are raising me to be a better person. Not just a better mom.

So on your 5th birthday I wish you everything my heart, mind and this world can give you. We still have a whole lifetime ahead of us to create some beautiful memories. So what you want to do I leave it in your hands because you aren’t quite my baby any more. You’re my brave big boy.

I love you.
Mom

it’s been a while.

As Nyx’s birthday is fast approaching, 3 days to be exact, I realized how much time has flown since my last “Nyx-Update”. School has really taken off and things have been a million times better.

No bus mishaps.

No crying in the morning from separation anxiety.

Very little anxiety issues from me.

Generally, things have been really great for Nyx. He loves school and has been growing – I mean that in every sense possible – in leaps and bounds. Homework is such a breeze for him and he absolutely enjoys bringing it home to do, that’s if he hasn’t done it at the Rec Center already. He has friends left and right, I can’t even keep track anymore. Better yet he has friends in the 5th grade. Not saying it’s impossible, but I have no idea how that happens. I certainly didn’t have any kindergarten friends when I was in the 5th grade, but my son pulls it off somehow.

Christmas break is coming up, it’s 3 weeks off! Sadly, this will be our first December in 3 years that we aren’t taking a trip anywhere. His 2nd birthday we went to California, his 3rd we went to Oahu, his 4th we went to Oahu && New York. So naturally we connected his birthday and Christmas as the time of the year to hop on a plane and fly to some other land. He’s kind of bummed about it, but not so much as I am.

This year is something different.

We are actually having a birthday party for him, its tomorrow. It’s nothing big, but it’s not small either. I’ve sent out about 38 invitations and about 20 verbal invitations so we’ll see who comes. We ordered a bunch of food and we’ll cook some food too. We are doing our traditional picture cake, but I decided to opt for some Spiderman decorations on it too. We’ll see how it turns out.

I’m just hoping things go smoothly. No kids get hurt. I don’t get any nit picky parents. Most of all that Nyx and his friends have fun. I’m no Super Mom or anything so I’m doing my best.

Nyx’s next check up isn’t until the 18th so health wise I’ll you know then, but from what I see he’s been really healthy and happy. Hasn’t had any major cold in a while. Amazingly some one *cough*Biodad*cough* hasn’t put brought Nyx to the ER for anything recently either. *Knocks on wood*

I have to make this short and sweet. There’s a lot to say and not enough time to say it in, but since we moved (another entry all its own) we are still settling in and when it’s a bit more calm, no holidays or birthdays, I’ll be sure to update more and with details.

The First Days

(As written in my personal blog)

 

So we are on day 3.

 

Day 1

 

Actually went really well. I stayed with him the whole morning. We got there bright and early around 7am. We talked to the cafeteria and he got his first public school breakfast. Which we public school kids know isn’t all that great.

 

He truly is a spoiled private school kid. He was in a private day care for a year and in a private Pre-k school for another 2. His meals are all freshly made. Juice 100% freshly squeezed or ice cold milk. Meals are served in big serving dishes where he can serve himself. His dishes are real and just his. He has his own personal seat and sits at a ‘real’ table. I loved eating lunch with him. Sometimes the food was better than what I could cook. And I can really cook.

 

So when it came to breakfast he had the look of “You got to be kidding me. This isn’t real food.” He was irritated that none of the kids were sitting down nicely, quietly, and eating. The food of course looked micro waved, even the rice. The fruits, well of course there canned, so Nyx didn’t think they were real. So to say the least he hated breakfast. Even the carton milk, although it was chocolate, lacked any luster for him. He didn’t know how to open it, irritated he didn’t have a cup, and even saddened that he couldn’t get a straw. It got to the point where he looked at me with his beautiful brown eyes and said, “Mommy can we just go home.” No matter how much I wanted to say yes and flee faster any person before me, I held back and said no. I felt bad. As far as the food, I understood the feeling. I hated cafeteria food anyways. So I’m deciding home lunches might be the way to go for him. We are still undecided. But at this rate breakfast at home might be opening up. Now if I could only get him to wake up early enough.

 

After breakfast we made our way to his classroom. His teacher wasn’t there yet, so we waited. Next door he saw his Pre-k classmate Abby, which was a relief for him because he was becoming worried that he wouldn’t know anyone. Shortly after his friend David – who is in the same class with him – came waltzing in too. Mrs. T. finally opened the door and all the kids rushed in. Nyx was excited. Signed his name in, got his name tag and hurried to find his desk. It was almost as if the whole breakfast fiasco didn’t happen. Lucky for me, I was worried he was going to start crying. I took a few pictures, Not really much, I was more focused on make sure he was comfortable than taking much pictures.

 

In the end, we were both ok. I didn’t cry. I didn’t freak out. I didn’t even have a mild panic attack. I was ok. I was a big girl.

 

I walked away with a smile on my face, excitement in my heart, and knowing this is going to be a good thing.

 

Since it was a half day the bus wasn’t going to bring him to the youth center after school. I had to pick him up at noon and bring him there myself. I questioned him about everything. Maybe a little too fast because he wasn’t able to respond fast enough, but when I slowed down Nyx had only one thing to say,

 

“Mom, I’m so happy I went to Kindergarten. I want to say there forver.”

 

That’s all I needed to hear.

 

Day 2

 

Same spiel, difference? He gets to ride the school bus. My number one worry.

 

I took off from work early to go see a doctor and get some antibiotics and run everywhere to change my name.

 

While at my main bank I realized I got a miss call from the school at 1:15pm. I only noticed at 1:38pm. Weird, school finishes at 12:35 on Wednesdays. I have a voicemail.

 

Correction I have 3 voicemails! 2 from the school and 1 from the bus driver. My heart stopped.

 

Message 1.

“Hi Daniella, the bus driver called and doesn’t know where you son goes. Nyx said he doesn’t know where he lives.”

 

Message 2

“Hi this Irma, the bus driver, I have your son here. If you could let me know where he lives and I’ll happy to drop him off.

 

Message 3

“Hi Daniella, the bus driver still doesn’t know where your son goes. Your son has gotten on the wrong bus. Please call back.”

 

ZOMFG!!!

I’m in town a good 45 minutes away. I hurry the teller along and urgently call Preston. No answer. I call his coworker Ken to hurry and get Preston. I run out to my car and Preston calls me back and lets me know that he will rush over to the school.

 

Now my son has a great imagination so when asked where I lives, I wouldn’t be surprised that he would make up a place and that’s where he will go. I would hope the bus driver has better sense than that.

 

I called the bus driver, no answer. I called the school, they said he isn’t at the school. WTF!?!

 

I call Preston and he tells me, well the school said Nyx was brought back and sitting in the office. Why couldn’t they have told me that? I start to cry frantically.

 

Preston tells me not to worry. I should just finish my errands in town and he’ll pick up Nyx and figure out what happened.

 

Pssffttt. Like I’m going to do that, I rushed back. I wish people knew when things were urgent and just moved. Lol.

 

On my drive back I learned that Nyx did get on the right bus, but since he looked so confused the bus driver figured he was on the wrong bus.

 

You see he doesn’t take the bus to our house; he takes the bus to the youth center for The Company. So he had to get special permission for that. I guess we didn’t drill teach or explain to him enough as to what he should do when the bus stops. So when Preston picked him up he drove back to the youth center bus stop and walked him through step by step what he should do and where he should go.

 

It’s weird his other friend’s that go to the youth center got on the bus with him, but he never got off with them. I don’t know. It must be my fault and my horrible directions. Either way I FREAKED out.

 

Nyx wasn’t scared, he wasn’t mad, he was just confused. A teacher told us about another student, an older girl that goes to the youth center also, she will help Nyx get the hang of riding the bus and help him get off and walk to the youth center with him.

 

Day 3

 

So the first thing we did was find the teacher that will point out a new friend for Nyx. The girl that will help him get on and off the bus. Although she wasn’t there yet, Nyx stayed with the teacher until she introduced Nyx to his new friend.

 

What really sucked was that Preston made me leave early.

 

I didn’t get to eat breakfast with Nyx.

 

I didn’t get to walk Nyx to class.

 

Preston made me leave early. I was sour about that. But he is right. I need to start leaving Nyx at some point. I can’t walk him through everything. No matter how much I want to.

 

So today Nyx truly was on his own.

 

I’m not even sure he even bothered to eat breakfast. He still looked confused, but he was offered to sign in for the “Breakfast Club”, where they could just play games until school started. Which probably prevented him from eating because he heard the words “play games.”

 

So I hope it went well. I hope he walked to his class. I hope he ate something. I definitely hope he gets off the bus this time.

 

In all, the first week of school is almost over. I still want to hold his hands. I still hate dropping him off. And I’m fearful to get to the point where I can pull up to the school, he gets out on his own and walks off.

 

I’m still holding on to whatever small threads I have to be the overbearing/protective/crazy mom I’m allowed to be.

 

Tomorrow is another day, maybe I’ll grow up a little more then. Lol.

In exactly one week Nyx will be starting Kindergarten. What a nerve wrecking milestone this will be for me. I know I’ve been telling everyone anyone that will listen that Nyx starts school soon. It’s not that I’ve been wanting him to go I think it’s more for me to drill into my head. That my son, my little guy, really is growing up and moving on to new challenges. Challenges in which I can’t be there to hold his hand. Challenges that he can’t hold my hand for.

Our final meeting with his new teacher will be this Thursday. Come that day we have to have all his things labeled and ready to be settled into his new place. His teacher’s name is Ms. T. At least that’s what it will be on here. She’s really young and quite pretty too. Not a single gray hair either. I wonder how she does it. Anyways, he’s in group B which means he won’t start till Tuesday, Group A is on Monday. They do a half day their first day and then full days then on.

He finishes school at 2pm, so he has to catch a bus to the youth center after school till I finish work. Which the other parents only have good things to say about the youth center. They help tutor kids with homework, its a supervised place for the kids to play and its only 3 minutes from my work.

The scary part is the bus. I’m terrified of him riding the bus. Seriously, my parents never made me ride the bus. When I slept at friends houses’ on school days of course we caught the bus, but that only happened like 3 times the most. And I was terrified. Kids are mean you know. lol.

I need to have faith in the bus system, but most of all I need to have faith in my son. There will be other kids he knows that will be riding the bus to the same place. So it’s not like he’ll be alone.

I have to get used to this year round school schedule though. Apparently school starts the last week of July rather than the last week of August. Holiday breaks are longer, but I think summer is shorter? It’s news to me.

I know I owe a much better update of Nyx seeing that I haven’t updated in forever and then some. And hopefully it will be coming soon.

Hopefully.

Strawberry Short Boy

We got Nyx back yesterday and he looked a little red.

I touched his skin, but he didn’t flinch so I didn’t think it was that bad.

And what do you know?

Today he is pain. His sun burn is so painful he ended up in tears while taking a shower. He is as red as a strawberry. Probably feels like a porcupine or cactus is brushing up against him every time something touches him

I feel so bad for him, but I know the feeling. I burn just like him. Granted that I am filipino and shouldn’t burn, I do. But Nyx and I, we are hardly ever in the sun. So an hours worth of sun and we are dying and burnt to a crisp.

Oh good news? Moving is going well. After work I unpacked some while Nyx played in his new room. Completely anxious to be able to invite Erin over to play.

Speaking of Erin, I think he had his heart hurt today. His friend David said Nyx can’t be boyfriends with Erin because David is with Erin. Quite interesting really. But Erin told me she is with Nyx, not David.

Why relationship issues now? They are 4 years old for Pete’s sake!

Nyx has taken a great liking towards Queen. Specifically the songs “We will rock you” and “We are the Champions.” When he sings I can listen to that song on repeat all day long. It’s adorable, funny, and promising. At least he likes music. And music that I can tolerate.

It’s so scary how time flies.

I’m sure parents around the world constantly say that about their children. But seriously it is. Beginning of February I finally enrolled Nyx into Kindergarten. I know he’s been attending Preschool for the last 2 years and I should be used to the idea that he is in school, but Kindergarten? That’s a whole new story. A completely different level. And a WHOLE NEW milestone.

A milestone I’m not too sure I’m even ready for.

When we can I drive by the school to show Nyx where he is going to school next year. Now he recognizes the school no matter. He screams with delight, “Mom! That’s where my Kindergarten is going to be. I want to go to kindergarten there mom!”

I absolutely love his enthusiasm for school, his eagerness to learn, and his strong will to want to meet and make new friends. But what does that mean? It’s practically setting in stone that Nyx really is a big kid. Before I know he will be graduating from high school and marry some girl I probably will hate deep down inside because she is stealing my baby. 😛

To top things off we are moving into a new house. Still renting, but its a house this time. Around the same size, maybe a little bigger, than our apartment now. Granted $300 more. Plus side of it, its in a nice quiet neighborhood, we have a yard and a garage. So the pros most definitely out weighs the cons.

Since learning that we are moving into a house Nyx has been rather anxious to move in. His friends, especially Erin, is literally around the corner. He finally get a bike to ride around the neighborhood and use his Escalade a lot more now.

In all things with him has been pretty good actually. Now that it’s March I need to get a hold of the Kumon lady for Nyx’s math and reading tutoring. If the ‘myth’ of being the youngest in his class is true, then I’m going to make sure he is prepared and doesn’t fall behind.

So Kumon and A+ here we come!

Temper Tantrums up the ASS!

Pardon the language, but I’m serious. It gets worse every week. If I said every day that would be a little dramatic, even if it may be true.

He pushes every button even when I give him options to make it easier for the both of us. ARRGGGHHHH!!!!

Within our first month of this year he’s already given me 10 white hairs. lol.

His bio hasn’t made it any easier either. Let’s say every Friday he’s been with him he’s missed school. One reason: no money for gas. But whatever already. I can’t get him to do anything to make all our lives easier. But one must be patient for good things to happen. Even if it will cost me extra money.

Over the past month Nyx has definitely grown into an amazing person. I can tell the huge differences in him since his 4th birthday. Asking more questions, reasoning the why, and cause and effect. Although I wish he plug in his cause and effects when he throws those god awful tantrums.

Over the past month I’ve argued with myself about enrolling Nyx into Kindergarten. Thought about the fact that he will be the youngest in his class. The cut off date is Dec. 31 so how many kids will be younger than him? I’ve read tons of articles and threads over parents holding their kids back because they will be the youngest. Practically instilling the fear that my son will fall behind because he isn’t mature enough for school. I bounced back and forth with my decision. I’ve asked many friends how they felt going through school. Creating a graph in my head to balance out the see saw in my head.

I’m enrolling him this month.

What it came down to is what Nyx wanted. He really wants to go to Kindergarten. He’s seen the school and has grown incredibly excited and anxious to start. If he feels that he is ready and can’t wait then who am I to argue?

It’s pretty exciting though. Especially when I was filling out the Emergency Card. lol. I remember filling it out for myself when I was in school. My mom was pretty lazy and lame. Now that I am doing it for Nyx is just all to surreal. Another thing to add on to the list of “what makes me mom. . . .” Before I know it I’ll be complaining about the outrageous rip off call the ‘Graduation Packet’ and fighting to photographer for crappy expensive senior photos. hahaha.

I’m also signing him up for the A+ after school program and Kumon. It’s to counterbalance that feeling that he might fall back. Plus I need to start early on having him get used to school for the next 13 years. I know that when Christmas and summer breaks came around I would be out of whack going back to school. It would take me half the school year to get back into the school cycle.

It sounds like I’m over doing it, but A+ is till at 5pm and Nyx will be finishing around 2:3o. I don’t finish work till the earliest 3:30. So during A+ he’ll be doing his homework, which leaves more family time after. Kumon will make up for my lack of children tutoring. But depending where he needs the most help its between math and reading.

I don’t know what February has to hold right now, but I’m sure it will be pretty exciting.

The 4 Year Check Up.

Man that is some scary stuff right there.

Last year he only got one shot it really wasn’t that. His shot record is almost completely filled so I didn’t think he would get any shots this time. Oh how wrong I was.

He wasn’t afraid to go. It was more like he was looking forward to it. I think it may be because he came with me to see my doctor the day before and I got off fine. So why should his doctor be any different?

He didn’t have to lay on the scale anymore. He got to stand on the “big boy” scale like a grown up. He weighs 36lbs.

Then they measured him. Though I think he was slouching. He stands funny when he knows someone wants to check his height. He does this weird stance, but according to them he is 38.5 inches tall roughly 3ft. 2.5 inches.

His blood pressure I think read 101 / 62. Atleast those are the numbers I remember reading and hearing the nurse call out.

Here’s the fun part.

I talked with his doctor. Really nice lady. It’s actually J’s pediatrician. Who knew she would still be there?! But she’s really cool and nice. Short Stack seems to like her.  She did her normal thing. Check the lungs, his adomen, booty, and ask her regular questions. (i.e. does he know his first and last name, say his abc’s, count to 10, hop on one foot, etc etc.) All were yes. So if Short Stack continues on this growing track he’ll peak out at 5’7″ 140lbs. Kind of small, but it’s not like his parents are very tall or big to begin with. So I guess if he wants to play some football he has to beef up.

I asked her about his problem with being congested at night, she said it could be allergies. So she prescribed me some medicine to try out and see if it clears up the problems. It could be due to the change in seasons and the fact that we live on the West Side is pretty dusty. That’s probably it because my sinuses kills me at night too. Grr. We should move.

Then came the shots. Can you guess how many he got? 1? hahaha he wishes. 3? hahaha I wish. 4? Puh-lease. Try 6! He got 6 shots. 2 in each leg and 1 in both arms. My poor baby was pissed off. The nurse that hav been administering his shots for the last 3 years opted to not do it. My son recognized her from the get go and refused to even say hi to her. lol. So a new nurse gave him his shots. I’m sure she is now banned from my son’s life. She felt horrible. I felt horrible. And Short Stack, no words can ever describe his feelings. He was sore, pissed, and needing some loving.

Within those shots, it covered – if I can remember – polio, measles, mumps, DTaP, rubella, chicken pox, and the flu shot. I know I am missing one more. He should be invincible now. lol. I’m kidding. But I am one of those parents that will vaccinate my child for damn near everything.

After we went to eat at McDonald’s and get him a new present to congratulate him for how well he did. He got a small fever the next day, but he kicked it before the end of the day. He’s fine now and very happy he doesn’t have to go back till next year.

That’s if J doesn’t make it sooner.

Happy Birthday Gorgeous

Disclaimer: There’s a LOT OF TMI! So read at your own caution.

Our Birth Story.

A long time ago, more like 4 years ago to this very moment I was studying for my finals the next day, I was going off on remember specific formulas, capacitive and inductive resistance, while writing my English paper. I was two days late and felt like I was pregnant for almost a decade. Okay maybe not a decade, but definitely a long long ass time.

On top of studying for finals my body felt different, it was weird. It was like my body was telling me “do not call it a night, you should stay up, and do not settle in.” Regardless, I ignored the signs my body was telling me and called it a night. The moment I laid down I ‘wet’ myself. Yes ladies and gentlemen my water broke at exactly midnight of Dec. 8th, 2003. I got up to a massive pile of water on my bed. I went to wake J (my son’s bio-dad) and he said I peed the bed. I then told his mom, she said I peed the bed. You would think a woman who was nurse for 20 years, 9 of which was labor and delivery, she would know the difference between my water breaking and accidentally peeing. Nonetheless, she cleared my bed and told me to go back to sleep. I was paranoid and pissed off. NO one wanted to drive me to the hospital. So to prove her wrong I laid down and I ‘wet’ the bed again. And that was the final draw, I was finally being put into the car. Of which J was so paranoid I would wet the seat he laid massive amount of towels everywhere.

When I got to the E.R. it was close to 1am and even the nurse there had to ask me if I was sure I didn’t pee myself. Come on people I think I would know the difference. Then here’s the kicker, the nurse asked me if I brought my underwear in which I ‘wet’ myself. MER? No I cleaned up and changed. By 2am I had my own room and lacked any contractions. They already notified my mid-wife and she wouldn’t see me until I started having contractions. I was anxious and excited I couldn’t sleep. Even though all the nurses said I had a long day ahead of me and I should sleep, I just couldn’t. Mind you at this point I haven’t slept in over 24 hours. But I had adrenaline rushing through me nothing could possibly knock me out right now.

I ended up watching Nick Jr., Cartoon Network and MTV most of the night. I finally called my stepmom when the sun was up and besides J she was the only person I wanted in there. No matter how much pain I was in I didn’t want any pain killers. No epidural! Nothing. All Natural. I am pretty good and being able to meditate and focus on outside things to move past the pain, but still my contractions weren’t much. A little after noon I felt like I had to take a massive poop, it hurt. A lot. lol.

That’s when the real labor began. I don’t remember much of it. Sadly. But what I do remember was crazy. I regret not making it to my Lamaze class because for the life of me I couldn’t figure out what muscle to push with. Then with the pain it made it harder to focus on that muscle. My stepmom was a great support person because J just wasn’t all there and it really fucking sucked. This nurse ended up tricking me when I was at the peak of my contraction and asked if I want the advil pain medicine of the pain killer line for labor. Which if I could remember what it was I would recommend you to NEVER take it. Because it did NOT take the edge off of the pain, instead I started hallucinating. Every moment I closed my eyes it felt like I went off into dream land where I argued with my classmate T. Every time I closed my eyes I felt like they were closed for an hour, when in actuality it was only 2 seconds.

This is where I don’t remember too much. I was delirious and having hard time focusing on outside things because of this stupid “advil”. I remember at one time I looked down and there were two wires that were tapped to my leg and went down my leg. Now I know that wasn’t there before. From the tidbits during my labor to what I learned after the nurses, my midwife, and my doctor kept losing my son’s heartbeat and when they found it his heart beat it was really low. They would lose his heartbeat during every contraction. What that was narrowed down to was that he was being crushed every contraction. So they had to put that screw into his head to monitor his heart. I understand now why they didn’t tell me too much because I probably would have had a heart attack.

When he started to crown it was like the world became clearer and the fog this stupid ‘pain killer’ created was clearing out. I was offered a mirror to see his head. It was the greatest incentive for me to work harder. I wanted to hold him so bad.

I may have only been in labor for 6.5 hours but it felt like the whole week. But at 6:28pm my son, my Short Stack, my life was born. his Agpar 9, respectively. Weighing in at 9 lbs. 3.3 ounces at 22 inches long. I heard him let out a healthy cry. I saw him being held by the nurse. And at 6:29 I held him for the first time. I saw his swollen eyes and ruby red lips. I felt his fingers wrap around my finger. It was at that very moment that my life finally started. I waited 19 long years to understand what love really is. 19 years to start my life. 19 years to find out I was not complete until I became a mother. 19 years is a long time, but I would wait another 19 if I had to for my son.

Today, it’s been 4 amazing years. Without you hunny I would never be where I am at. I would have never went to school. I would have never kicked the drugs and drinking. I would have never been happy. I would never be me.

For as long as I am walking, crawling, or wheeling around on this earth and there after I will be there creating a trillion memories with you, savoring every second of every day, sharing a million laughs every moment and never missing a single beat.

Thank you for choosing me. I love you baby. Happy 4th Birthday!

Short Stack